How to deal with an uncontrollable child

Parenting is one of the toughest jobs on earth; judgement for a child’s behavior, or lack thereof, is on you. I have come to empathize with parents carrying this burden, and realize most are grappling with how to deal with an uncontrollable child.

Parents will put on a brave face in public when their child misbehaves. For some it is a coping mechanism; they no longer know what to do with this child. To avoid embarrassment -for a child can even slap you or shout to attract attention- they act detached. Some cases require professional diagnosis and help; others, DIY. Here, I share some wonderful tips gleaned from a mum’s own experience, on how to manage children, especially toddlers, who are hyperactive.

Physical ways to handle unruly behavior

• Screen time is stimulating, keep it to a minimum or totally eliminate if possible. Keeping them busy in some creative play with balls, blocks, toys will go a long way.
• Channel their energy to physical activities. The outdoors is a great place: walking, gardening or just playing. It’s a BIG bonus if you can join in.
• Do not refuse them a game because it is dangerous, rather make it safe. If it’s totally unacceptable gently take away the object, explaining the possible consequences. One mum exclaimed, “Oh wonderful, so you figured out how to make that light up,” as she took a box of matches from her toddler.
• Sugar and candy make kids hyperactive. Instead, provide only wholesome, nutritious foods, with no unhealthier alternatives close by. If they refuse to eat, gently remind them the (healthier) food will be there when they are hungry. Note: Involving them during preparation makes them inclined to partake of the work of their hands more readily.
• Avoid repeating yourself. Give a command once in a firm, kind voice, maintaining eye contact. Ask them to repeat the instruction to ensure they understood what is required.
• Follow through with consequences for disobedience: time-out, withheld privileges etc. The more they are aware you are not all talk, the more they will think twice before crossing a line.

Ways to deal with a child’s emotional needs

• Respect the child as a person; acknowledge their presence or directly ask their thoughts and opinions. One of my nieces would be vocal when a person greeted an adult she was with and ignored her!
• Hold a conversation in a non-threatening way to find out what’s happening, and actively listen. Some ‘listening’ may be by observing what ticks them off.
• Foster a spirit of belonging and togetherness. Do chores together, play together, read together.
• Establish a routine for them; bath, sleep, eat at the same time everyday. Knowing the flow of things gives them a sense of security, lessening anxieties and surprises; and ultimately tantrums.
• Do not be abrupt when changing activities or leaving a place, “Let’s go!” “Stop playing right now, come and eat!” Rather, give them a heads up, even if they don’t understand time they will appreciate the warning, “10 more minutes.”
• Ignore some behaviors; they may be done just to get a reaction. My toddler is at that stage when burps and farts are so hilarious he wants to do them again and again. We continue with life like nothing happened.
• Focus on character-building. Be mindful of associating them with their wrong actions, he is a good child doing bad things. Affirm twice as much as you call out bad behavior.
• Be patient, leave the room if you know you are going to yell or hit them. Come back when you are calmer, otherwise you model the very behavior you want to correct in them.
• Self-care cannot be over-emphasized; you need to take care of your emotional needs before you are sober enough to deal with an uncontrollable child.

Kids will always be kids. They do not reason like adults; they are still learning to communicate effectively and also testing boundaries. Some behaviors, although less than perfect, are to be expected. However, when anger, disobedience, tantrums are carried to extremes parents become concerned. It is not easy to deal with an uncontrollable child, but being assertive, involving them in activities and decisions, modelling acceptable behavior, and establishing routine will make the situation better.