Being a mother is a full-time job, whether you work outside the home or not, biological or foster. It is a mixed bag of emotions; joy, fear, sadness, anxiety and anger. As a mother I have also experienced pain, which can be very subjective. In this post I will share my most painful ‘mom moments’.
Anguish of going to work
Separation is by far the most painful, no matter if it’s only for a short while. One of my singular most painful mom moments was when I started going to work. This was after having finished our studies. I got an offer for a part-time position as a lecturer. I would be needed at most 2h a day, and an average of 3 working days. I would be away from home for about 4 or so hours a day. I wanted the post, but also didn’t want it 😕. My baby was just 3 weeks old!
On the first day of work I just felt like crying; there was a lump that wouldn’t go down. Leaving home was so painful, and I couldn’t wait to go back. The baby was in one piece and sleeping peacefully when I got home, oblivious to all my emotional turmoil! It got better as the days went by. With the siblings I thought surely I am used to it now, but that was not so. There was always some measure of pain, although somewhat less than the first time.
Agony at seeing them quiet
One of my most painful mom moments is when one of my kids is just quiet. What’s funny is sometimes I really long for their silence, because kids can talk from morning till night non-stop! But seeing them all quiet and I ask if something’s bothering them and they say no.
The quietness that breaks my heart is when there seems to be a sad aura around them which I can’t understand. Sometimes they will be in a posture that is comfortable for them but in my African upbringing has deeper meaning. I mean resting one’s head in the palm, to us that shows deep thinking. My mom brain goes into overdrive wondering what could be making them so sad and deep in thought like that. These are just babies!
Anxiety when they can’t make friends
My daughter loves making friends. And she can do that so easily. The highlight of any experience she has is when she finds someone new to play with. You can imagine my pain as a mom when she cannot share such an experience because it did not happen!
I have shared this pain with her on two particular encounters which are still fresh in my mind. Once, when we were still new in Canada and went to a playground, she spotted some girls who could have been around her age. She tried to get them to play with her but it didn’t happen. That day the brother was happier because he had her to himself for once, but you could see she wasn’t much in it.
The second incident was back home in Zimbabwe when we met her friend with her friend. Three’s a crowd and the circle seemed impenetrable. The friend of the friend was quite possessive and wouldn’t let go of the friend’s hand. Through all my pain I didn’t intervene although the mum in me wanted to call and hug her.
There have been many more painful ‘mom moments’ through sickness- colds and flus, silent reflux for one, childhood accidents and fevers etc. There have been cries, incessant ones I have not been able to console. Sometimes I have dealt with life’s stresses which seem minor to me but in their world is a big deal. I have come to accept my lot as a mum, not only will I bear my own pain but theirs as well. That’s one job moms are great at!
